Holy Shit!

I freaking ovulated before my IUI! What luck, huh?

It's on again......

The time has come once again. I went to the RE on Wednesday for an ultrasound to see if my follicles were big enough to do my hcg trigger shot Wednesday night and the IUI Friday morning. They want your follicles to be 18mm...I had one at 17.5, one at 14, and numerous tiny ones. They told me to wait to trigger on Thursday and the IUI would be on Saturday. Then yesterday, I started to feel as though I was ovulating. If I was, the IUI on Saturday would be too late to get pregnant.

I triggered last night and requested that they do an ultrasound this morning to see if I had already ovulated. If I had, I was prepared to do the IUI today. If I had not ovulated, we would do the IUI tomorrow. Well, I did not ovulate yet. Great news...I now have TWO follicles. The one that was 17.5mm is now 21.5mm. The one that was 14mm is now 18mm.

My IUI is tomorrow morning at 8:30. I am so excited because I have NEVER had two follicles. I have always either had one or failed to stimulate at all.

I do not think I have smiled so big since finding out I was pregnant the first week of October 2007.

*Warning* Crazy Ramblings Ahead.......

I am so freaking excited. Since the baby died, I have had an obsession with having twins. I know that it may not make sense to many people, but I think that if I can get twins, I will get my baby back. It's like this......I have this sense that by having twins, the baby that died is returning. I do not feel like my baby will return if I am only pregnant with one, only if I get twins. I loved that baby so much, you guys. I do not think that many babies were so very much wanted or loved. I can honestly say that losing the baby was one of the hardest things ever. Not only did I grieve the loss of my child, but I also had to grieve the loss of my dreams of that child. The baby was due in June. I had all of these dreams of K working in the yard this summer while slinging the baby. I thought about taking the baby on hikes this fall. And I know all of this can happen with the next baby, but one of the hardest aspects has been grieving the loss of my dreams for that particular child. My heart broke when I started bleeding and it has continued to break every day since then. I know people can wish and wish for things that will never happen, but I want my baby back.

Anyway, I would be *thrilled* to have twins. I would not be *thrilled* about the extra work and chaos. But for me, twins means I get my baby back.

Am I nuts?

The L Word Party

K and I have been going over to some friends' home to watch the L Word this season. For the finale, we decided to pull character's names from a hat and dress accordingly. Here are the pics:

Shane

Shane Shane

Max

Phyllis

Tasha

Kit

Kit

Bette

Tina and Angelica

The Family back together

Joyce

Phyllis

Reunited

Wow!

I just googled "2happymamas" and got 1,050 matches. Wow. I am online too much.

I won! I won!

I am such a dork. I have been needing some new clothes so badly and decided to buy some from e-bay. See, I have this wicked obsession with Banana Republic and, well, finances do not exactly enable me to shop there until the old house sells. I will say it again: Two mortgages sucks...especially when one is a hundred year old farmhouse with $500 per month heating bills. Ouch! But I digress....

So, I bought two pairs of jeans, three sweaters, a hoodie, and a beautiful pink babydoll shirt off e-bay this weekend. All Banana Republic. I just really like how their clothing fits and looks on me. Plus, it is appropriate for work. Not too stuffy, not too casual. Two pairs of jeans have arrived already. One fits and one does not. I am curious how they will all fit. And it feels good to be buying used clothing from an environmental standpoint.

Anyone have experience buying clothing off e-bay? I think I might start selling stuff on there, too. I have tons of clothes that I could possibly make some money off of, but I feel torn because I typically like to donate stuff like that to the Julian Center. Decisions, decisions.

Tonight was good. I got certified on this assessment tool that everyone working in Marion County has to do. The boys were here and we had a great time. We played hide and seek, tag, kickball, and blew bubbles.

Another month down the drain....

We had an ultrasound this morning and I did not stimulate. No baby this month. I am getting really, really tired of this freaking game. My due date is coming up soon and I am still not pregnant. I never thought this process would be so emotionally hard. We just want our baby. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently.

Whine done. For now.

Race for the Cure

As most of you all know, K was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006. She finished chemotherapy last April and radiation this fall. We are doing the Komen Race for the Cure this April and are asking for support. We would love for any of you to join our team and help support us in that way. If you are unable to walk with us, we would be very appreciative if anyone was willing to sponsor our team. Our page can be found at the address below. Or click on the links provided.

http://race.komenindy.org/site/TR/Race/General/264338548?pg=team&fr_id=1050&team_id=22230

Thanks so much!