Eye Candy at 39 weeks

Very, very lopsided. And what's up with my crooked belly button?

Take that!

They tried to induce with two different medicines, but she wasn't in the mood to be born. I think she's comfortable and happy in her current location. That being said, we have an appointment in four hours with the doctor to see what's new with her amniotic fluid index. It's crazy to know she could be here any day.


Baby News -- Take One

After an eventful morning, I am headed to the hospital in a couple hours for an induction. I will explain more on that one later. Anyhow, I will try to keep everyone updated with the latest.

I can't believe I could be holding my daughter in less than 24 hours. Wow.


New Pictures

Behold! The belly at 31 weeks. It is definitely growing.

I took this the other night of K with the boys. They are getting so big...it's hard to believe that Max turned three on Thursday and Zeke will be five in February.
It's been a long, long day. I ended up supervising a visit between a mom and her daughter today for 4.5 hours. I really did not want to, but making $135 was incentive enough. After getting done with the visit, I went to Whole Foods and Kroger. I made K her favorite dinner tonight....fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, and fried biscuits with apple butter. It's not even close to my favorite meal, but I make it a few times per year as a special treat. For dessert, I made homemade chocolate chip cookies. Yum.
Colette is doing well. We can tell that she is getting much bigger. We can actually feel her little head, shoulders, butt, arms, legs, and other various body parts. She likes to be a turd sometimes and not move a lot. That always results in her getting poked and prodded. If she still doesn't move, we bust out the ice water and I lay on my sides. Once I start alternating from side to side, she usually gets going. I don't think she likes it very well when I flip from one side to the other. Her kicks are getting strong! My whole stomach moves. I like her.
Only one more week until I take a week of vacation time. Then only five weeks left of seeing clients until maternity leave! Yay! My last day is December 19th and I am beyond excited. My job really stresses me out sometimes. I like it but it is very exhausting and demanding.


More Belly Pictures....

I will write a real post later. Above pictures are 26 weeks, 1 day.


24 weeks....

Above are the latest pictures....just taken this afternoon. This is going to be a short post, as I am feelings kinda blah. Tell you what, these damn hormones are going nuts! I have been in a crying mood for most of the day, but I couldn't tell you why.
On the bright side, we had an appoinment with the midwife this past Wednesday. Everything is really good. Colette is still transverse, but it's no big deal at 24 weeks....she has plenty of time to turn. According to my scale at home, I have gained 2lbs. According to the midwife's scale, I have gained 1lb.
We are still trying to think of middle names for Colette. Any suggestions?


Belly Pictures @ 22 weeks, 2 days

Check out my awesome belly! I have been taking pictures each week, but have not posted any here yet. Whatcha think? Isn't it the best?

By the way, there is not any need to comment on the stretch marks. I like them and it's gonna be alright. I do not feel bad about them at all, so there's not any need to tell me how much it sucks that they are there or suggest any products to get rid of them. Really.

Update....first one in MONTHS

I have not done a good job of updating here. Let's see....the last post was in May. Brief recap on life since May.

1) I am still working. Blech. I like my job for the most part, I really do. It's just been very stressful and consuming lately.

2) Colette is PERFECT! We had the last ultrasound last Tuesday and she weighs one pound! She had gained six ounces in the two weeks since the previous ultraound! I guess I should back up, huh? That's right, K and I have a daughter! We can't wait to meet her. I really, really like her.

3) We just got back from vacation for 10 days. We spent the week at Lake Sunapee in NH. It was so nice to be back at the lake, although the weather was not exactly ideal. Oh, well. I ate a lot of good, good food.

4) K and I celebrated our three year wedding anniversary on August 12th and our five year we've-been-together anniversary on August 9th. We were able to sneak off to P-Town for a day away from the family. We shopped, ate seafood, and to Herring Cove (clothing optional beach). The water was so flipping cold; We couldn't get in past our mid-thighs.

5) The baby has been moving so much lately. I was sitting on the couch this past week and felt something. About 20 seconds later, another something. 20 seconds later, another something. I suddenly realized Coco had the hiccups and yelled at K to come quick. She placed her hand on my belly and was able to distinctly feel her daughter hiccup. It was really something. Have I ever said that I really like this little girl?

6) We are feverishly working on getting the house ready for Coco's arrival. I want to buy a deep freezer so I can start making meals to freeze for easy eating after Coco is born. Soup, lasagna...what other ideas do you all have? The house really is coming along, but there is so much left to be done.

7) I am getting a bit nervous about the birth. I know I can do it, but I am scared. I occasionally have moments of panic where I think, "Shit! A homebirth? What the hell was I thinking? This is gonna hurt...." I am not sure how I will handle the pain of childbirth, especially since I do not have anything to compare it to. Hopefully the birthing tank will take the edge off of the contractions. I know it will be okay. It may suck, but it won't last forever. We start Bradley Classes the first week of October. Hopefully I will learn some really good relaxation exercises to help me through the contractions. Funny thing is, I am more concerned about transition than anything else. That's the shit that scares me.

8) It's been almost two years since K was diagnosed with cancer. The first two years without a relapse is huge. Such a relief. I really like her, too.

It's time for bed. I will post more later and it won't take me four months!



...and there was a heartbeat! :)



I have the first ultrasound in about two hours. I am so freaking nervous that something is going to be wrong. I hate this feeling. I'll be back later to update.


Wild Child

K has decided she wants Wild Child by Enya to be playing either as I give birth or immediately afterwards. It is her mission to put together a soundtrack for labor. The song is fitting in so many ways.

Ever close your eyes
Ever stop and listen
Ever feel alive
And you've nothing missing
You don't need a reason
Let the day go on and on

Let the rain fall down
Everywhere around you
Give into it now
Let the day surround you
You don't need a reason
Let the rain go on and on

What a day, what a day to take to
What a way, what a way to make it through
What a day, what a day to take to a wild child
Only take the time
From the helter skelter
Every day you find
Everything's in kilter
You don't need a reason
Let the day go on and on

Every summer sun
Every winter evening
Every spring to come
Every autumn leaving
You don't need a reason
Let it all go on and on

What a day, what a day to take to
What a way, what a way to make it through
What a day, what a day to take to a wild child

What a day, what a day to take to
What a way, what a way to make it through
What a day, what a day to take to a wild child

Da-da da da da da, da da da da da dada da da da da da da da da da da da da da da

What a day, what a day to take to
What a way, what a way to make it through
What a day, what a day to take toDa-da-daDa-da-da-da-da-da
What a way, what a way to make it through
What a way, what a way to make it through
What a day, what a day to take to a wild child
What a day, what a day to take to a wild child

Month in Review -- Pictures

These two were taken this past weekend at the Race for the Cure. The first of of K and the second is me and my cousin. We had a great time and want to thank all of you who walked on our team or supported us. We both really appreciate it.

I am going to try to update pictures once per week.

These four pictures were taken the week we had the boys. The first two are of Z and the last two of M. The first three were taken at the Children's Museum and the last is of M playing in his bedroom at our house. We had so much fun the week they were here.


*laughing like a fool*

We are gonna be mamas! Just found out today and I am grinning from ear to ear! Please think good thoughts for us to have a sticky baby this time. Please.


Holy Shit!

I freaking ovulated before my IUI! What luck, huh?


It's on again......

The time has come once again. I went to the RE on Wednesday for an ultrasound to see if my follicles were big enough to do my hcg trigger shot Wednesday night and the IUI Friday morning. They want your follicles to be 18mm...I had one at 17.5, one at 14, and numerous tiny ones. They told me to wait to trigger on Thursday and the IUI would be on Saturday. Then yesterday, I started to feel as though I was ovulating. If I was, the IUI on Saturday would be too late to get pregnant.

I triggered last night and requested that they do an ultrasound this morning to see if I had already ovulated. If I had, I was prepared to do the IUI today. If I had not ovulated, we would do the IUI tomorrow. Well, I did not ovulate yet. Great news...I now have TWO follicles. The one that was 17.5mm is now 21.5mm. The one that was 14mm is now 18mm.

My IUI is tomorrow morning at 8:30. I am so excited because I have NEVER had two follicles. I have always either had one or failed to stimulate at all.

I do not think I have smiled so big since finding out I was pregnant the first week of October 2007.

*Warning* Crazy Ramblings Ahead.......

I am so freaking excited. Since the baby died, I have had an obsession with having twins. I know that it may not make sense to many people, but I think that if I can get twins, I will get my baby back. It's like this......I have this sense that by having twins, the baby that died is returning. I do not feel like my baby will return if I am only pregnant with one, only if I get twins. I loved that baby so much, you guys. I do not think that many babies were so very much wanted or loved. I can honestly say that losing the baby was one of the hardest things ever. Not only did I grieve the loss of my child, but I also had to grieve the loss of my dreams of that child. The baby was due in June. I had all of these dreams of K working in the yard this summer while slinging the baby. I thought about taking the baby on hikes this fall. And I know all of this can happen with the next baby, but one of the hardest aspects has been grieving the loss of my dreams for that particular child. My heart broke when I started bleeding and it has continued to break every day since then. I know people can wish and wish for things that will never happen, but I want my baby back.

Anyway, I would be *thrilled* to have twins. I would not be *thrilled* about the extra work and chaos. But for me, twins means I get my baby back.

Am I nuts?


The L Word Party

K and I have been going over to some friends' home to watch the L Word this season. For the finale, we decided to pull character's names from a hat and dress accordingly. Here are the pics:

Shane Shane







Tina and Angelica

The Family back together






I just googled "2happymamas" and got 1,050 matches. Wow. I am online too much.

I won! I won!

I am such a dork. I have been needing some new clothes so badly and decided to buy some from e-bay. See, I have this wicked obsession with Banana Republic and, well, finances do not exactly enable me to shop there until the old house sells. I will say it again: Two mortgages sucks...especially when one is a hundred year old farmhouse with $500 per month heating bills. Ouch! But I digress....

So, I bought two pairs of jeans, three sweaters, a hoodie, and a beautiful pink babydoll shirt off e-bay this weekend. All Banana Republic. I just really like how their clothing fits and looks on me. Plus, it is appropriate for work. Not too stuffy, not too casual. Two pairs of jeans have arrived already. One fits and one does not. I am curious how they will all fit. And it feels good to be buying used clothing from an environmental standpoint.

Anyone have experience buying clothing off e-bay? I think I might start selling stuff on there, too. I have tons of clothes that I could possibly make some money off of, but I feel torn because I typically like to donate stuff like that to the Julian Center. Decisions, decisions.

Tonight was good. I got certified on this assessment tool that everyone working in Marion County has to do. The boys were here and we had a great time. We played hide and seek, tag, kickball, and blew bubbles.


Another month down the drain....

We had an ultrasound this morning and I did not stimulate. No baby this month. I am getting really, really tired of this freaking game. My due date is coming up soon and I am still not pregnant. I never thought this process would be so emotionally hard. We just want our baby. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently.

Whine done. For now.


Race for the Cure

As most of you all know, K was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006. She finished chemotherapy last April and radiation this fall. We are doing the Komen Race for the Cure this April and are asking for support. We would love for any of you to join our team and help support us in that way. If you are unable to walk with us, we would be very appreciative if anyone was willing to sponsor our team. Our page can be found at the address below. Or click on the links provided.


Thanks so much!


Introducing Anna Pearl!


Here she is!

She's awake!

After a bath with brother

Ready for bed

One very proud big brother!

Can someone tell me....

How in the world do I add links to other people's blogs?

Update for you.....yes, I am talking to you!

Things are going okay here. I have been getting some slack lately about not being online much and it is not that I have not been online. I've just been hanging out in some different corners of the internet...a lot of time at MDC lately. As most of you know, we are actively TTC again. It's crazy, let me tell you. This cycle was a wash, but we both have a lot of hope for the next month. December 4th sounds like a good due date, doesn't it? We'll know by the end of March. And due to the doctor's HUGE mistake this past cycle, this next ultrasound and IUI is on the house. We only have to buy the Clomid ($19), hcg trigger ($83), and genetic material of the Sexy Cop ($400). Woo-hoo!

We have been going to the Y again lately. I was doing really well at going until I got pregnant. I was too tired that first trimester to do anything but fall into bed at 6:30 pm. Then after the baby died, I just did not give a fuck to go. Plus, I was working until 8:30 several nights per week. We went to the Y tonight and signed up for a Mind & Body Pass. For $50 each, we have unlimited access to yoga and pilates for the next six weeks. They offer 4 pilates and 5 yoga classes per week. My goal is to go to two classes per week.

I am officially done with school and have been since the first week of December. The new house is great, although very far from being completed. I am not sure how much we can do on the new house until the old one sells.....yup, we are still paying two mortgages and have been since July. Ugh. We are really lucky to have two incomes. I am feeling better about work. Therapy really wears me down sometimes....I have noticed I really feel it in the winter. After very, very careful consideration, I have decided to stay with my agency. I do like the work. I believe in the mission of the agency and I really like working with the families. The marriage/relationship therapy can be hard, sometimes. No matter how stressed I get, I always feel more positive when a family is reunified. It makes the late nights and stress worth it. I can't believe it's been almost two years that I have been with the agency. Only one more year until I can sit for the LMFT (licensed marriage and family therapist). They said that once I have a baby, I can work half-time. I would be expected to do 8.5 direct therapy hours per week for 1/2 the salary and 1/2 the vacation time. No insurance, but I can be on K's. I am going to insist that I be allowed to keep my 401k when I switch to half-time. I figure I can do get my 8.5 hours in one full day and one evening per wee. Not bad, huh?

I am getting really excited for summer. I can't wait to go to the Farmer's Market downtown. I love that place! If you haven't been, let me know and we will go together. They have such fresh produce and being that it is all locally grown, purchasing it helps sustain the local economy, supports local farmers, and does not depend on as much fuel as produce being shipped from across the country. Summertime also means grilling...YUM! And camping. I am so ready to get out camping this summer. Getting out the tent and taking the boys camping will surely be highlights of the summer. I am planning a very large garden and hope to plant about 25 tomato plants again this summer. This time, I really want to learn to can and have tomatos throughout the winter for sauces and spaghetti.

One of my goals is to start cooking from scratch as much as possible. I do a fairly decent job of that now, but I would like to do more. I made eggs, bacon, and biscuits for dinner the other night. Instead of using the Pillsbury biscuits from the can, I would like to make my own from scratch. Instead of using a can of Muir Glen fire roasted tomatos for spaghetti or huevos rancheros, I could use my own canned tomatos. We do not eat a lot of processed foods now, but I would really like to reduce even that amount. Instead of boxed cereal or poptarts, I would like to purchase cereal or oatmeal from the bulk bins at Whole Foods. I already get all spaghetti, spices, rice, couscous, sugar, flours, and other dry goods from their bins. I would love to have a kitchen free of any UPC code. That would mean primarily only buying fresh meat, produce, and stuff from the bins!

I really, really need to add pictures of my new niece, Pearlie. She will be three weeks old this upcoming Sunday. K and I were fortunate enough to be at her birth. It was a really great homebirth. Of course I say that....I was not the one giving birth. She was 5lbs. 6 ozs. and 19 inches. Beautiful, of course.


Isn't this special?

The boys' bedroom has been stinking lately like gas. The gas meter is directly outside their bedroom window and we figured that is why it smelled so strongly in their room. I called the gas company a few weeks ago and they found a leak in the meter. Fixed. Great, right? Wrong. We continued to smell that smell. I called the gas company again last week. They came out and found yet another leak. The room continued to stink and kept getting worse.

Finally, K was thinking about going to the Y this past weekend and went to put on a tennis shoe. This shoe was in the closet in the stink bedroom. She felt something in her shoe and upon closer inspection, found a freaking dead mouse decomposing in the toe of her shoe. She threw the body in the yard and left the shoe on the front porch. Man, it smelled something fierce. Wicked bad. The smell? The same smell as had consumed the bedroom. And K had mentioned a few weeks earlier that the smell seemed to come from the closet. She thought that perhaps the gas leak was from a pipe or something in the closet.

Gas smell? Apparently not. It was the overwhelming scent of decomposing rodent. Who knew one little mouse could create such a stink.

The room has not smelled at all since the mouse was found. But I guess decomposing mice come with the territory when you buy a 100 year old farmhouse on 2 heavily wooded acres, huh?


been awhile

so, this is a new blog. i am gettting pretty tired of myspace. i will keep the account, as it is a great way to keep in touch with old friends. it just does not do it for me anymore.

i got a lot done today. i had two appointments today and was gone from 9:30 until 2:45. the more i think about it, it may be time for a new job. i am really tired of getting home so late.....it is often 8:30 or later when i get home. i have applied for a job at the VA, but I do not think that i will get that one yet....it often takes a long time to get on there. i am very confident that i will get the job at dcs. sure of it. just not sure if i want it. but it will get me home earlier at night, which will be important once the baby comes.

speaking of the baby......we have tried again and are going to start testing late this week. i am trying to keep calm, but i know i will not be completely secure until i see the heartbeat and have passed the first trimester. not until then. the baby dying still seems so unfair....i was only a day away from the second trimester. i do okay most of the time, but occasionally find tears running down my face when i am alone or all is quiet.